I spent the better part of last evening reading about this
wave of “Mommy Porn” that’s hit the bookshelves in recent months. In between preparing bedtime bowls of
Cheerios for my four children and pulling pj’s over their weary heads, I read a
score of comments from a variety of women both defending it and vilifying it:
“I just want to enjoy a little smutty reading and find it
ridiculous that my personal reading selection causes such an uproar.”
“Call me a prude, but I won’t be reading it.”
“Why is it okay for men to enjoy porn, but not women?”
Whether you choose to indulge in “Mommy Porn” is completely
up to you. But while you have the
freedom to make choices regarding your reading material, I have the right to
ask a question?
What is the goal?
Because there are a lot of ways that women should seek
equality with men, but is this the best way of matching them stride for stride?
While some women just want a raunchy beach read, other women
declare that they seek liberation in the form of “Mommy Porn”. They want to explore their sexuality in new
ways.
Really? Do you think
that’s what men are doing with porn, exploring their sexuality? Nope.
They’re getting aroused and having an orgasm. And really, isn’t that the goal with “Mommy
Porn”?
Ladies, let’s not hype it up into something it isn’t. The truth is that the vast majority of women
out there don’t enjoy sex and they are trying to find a cure for that. So they indulge in a book about gratituous S&M
sex between consenting adults and that fills the bill…for a little while.
Yes, it will get you aroused and in most cases it will add a
spark to your sex life for a couple of days or weeks or, hell, maybe a couple
of months. But it will wear off, and then
you’ll need something new, something different, something more. And what might that look like?
“You’re completely overreacting,” you might say.
Personally, I don’t think I am, but you are entitled to your
opinion. Just do me this favor: check
back with me in six month’s time and let me know how it worked out for you; if
anything it’s your chance to disprove me and I would welcome that.
But in the meantime, can we do away with the term “Mommy
Porn”? Let’s just call it what it is
(simply “porn”), and drop the additional tag.
As a mother of 2 daughters, whose primary job is to protect them and
encourage their growth into strong and independent women, I don’t like my
sacred role being attached to an industry that makes it’s money demeaning and
objectifying women.
Just sayin’.
Well said, Maile, well said! Did this happen to be the book that I posted about yesterday?
ReplyDeleteYes, it is. I thought about it all night and then it was the first thing that popped in my head this morning so I had to write something. Thanks for reading, Amber.
DeleteWell. Said.
ReplyDeleteWell done, Maile. I completely agree with you that it's ridiculous to attach the "mommy" moniker to these types of books. As an adult, I feel free to read whatever I like, and do not feel the need to apologize or explain my choices. People read what they read for different reasons, of course. I really don't believe that most women who read raunchy books are doing so to be equal to men, since it's usually more men who read/view porn. I think they're just trying to legitimize their choices. Maybe they feel guilty. ? I also think that although many women who aren't having great sex read these books, plenty of women read them who are. Clearly, I'm behind the 8-ball on this one. Who has time for all that reading, anyway?! ;o)
ReplyDeleteLaurie, I agree with your perspective that you are an adult and therefore responsible for your own reading materials. I am in no way calling for the censoring of these types of books (I was an English major in college; I think we took an oath against that my freshman year).
DeleteI am simply putting the challenge to women to think about the choices they make: does it benefit me beyond this moment?
Because I wonder if partaking in this does? I wonder if in the long run it makes us better lovers, develops in us an appreciation for our bodies and the bodies of our partners, and leads us to better respect ourselves and others. Then, suddenly, what I read doesn't effect just me; it effects those inside and outside my bedroom.
I believe there is a better way to achieve great sex and keep the dignity of myself and others intact.
Thank you so much for what you are adding to the conversation here, Laurie; I always appreciate a great discussion. Thanks again for chiming in.
Okay, at first I thought you were going to rant about a book called Porn For Women which is a hilarious book of pictures of good looking men doing chores around the house saying nice sentiments! Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/Women-Cambridge-Womens-Pornography-Cooperative/dp/0811855511
ReplyDeleteSo, phew! :-)
Anyway, I haven't read a lot about the porn you are speaking of but I agree with your post anyway! :-)
Now, Laura, that is hilarious. Thank you so much for bringing me a chuckle; I really really needed that today. Love you, girl.
DeleteMy sister had to tell me about these books. I live under a rock. Porn, like everything else alleged to bring equality, only lowers our standards. Like the free love generation, women did not gain equality but strove to "act like men," whatever that means. I've never understood that idea, because, um, the men are having sex with someone. Anyway...you ate right on. Frankly I think the word " porn" is overused today. Do our children need to have that word as part of their lexicon? Ok. Sorry. Too long, for a long scattered day.
ReplyDeleteYes, yes, and yes, Jen. Please, continue living under a rock; in fact, I think I'll join you:)
DeleteA single lady at work was reading those books. After flying through the trilogy, she mentioned being bored--like by the time she got to the last one, it was more of the same. I lent her Blue Like Jazz. It's still sitting in her office. Maybe Donald Miller needs to add a little "sumpthin-sumpthin" to his books?
ReplyDeleteI kid, of course. Like you, I'm against censorship, but think people should make wiser reading choices. Because, like you said, porn isn't good for anyone. The demands it places on women, the false expectations it fosters in men... In the middle ages, they had a phrase: "God's ape," as in Satan is God's ape--because all he can do is ape God, not make anything new of his own. In this paradigm, porn is his aping of God's gift of sex.