Lament of the Coffee Intolerant

photo © 2007 Brad | more info (via: Wylio)
Much to my own dismay, my body has some sort of weird revulsion to coffee. That is, my body from the neck down because from the neck up, I am all about that sweet brew. I adore the smell of it. Sometimes, if just by chance as I’m reaching for the Saran wrap up in my cupboard, I happen to notice the bag of coffee sitting so serenely up there, I’ll pull it down, unroll the top, and just take a deep inhale of that nutty aroma.

Problem is that when I succumb to my desire for a cup (or a Venti Mocha Frappucino), things down south do just that: go south. I get flu symptoms and other stuff that I’m not comfortable talking about on a food blog. It’s all around a nasty business. And decaf doesn’t fair much better inside my delicate digestive tract. So, sadly, I have to pass on the after dinner coffee while everyone around me cradles their warm mugs, discreetly sipping and smiling, and being all content with their lives.

But occasionally, I take a gamble. I make sure my belly is fortified with a full meal, grab for the decaf, and say a quick prayer. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But I consider if a worthwhile agony to endure if the following recipe is the culprit. This one is simply a must for any outdoor gathering you are having this summer. Happy Digestion!(spoken with the slightest hint of sarcasm)

Mai’s Iced Latte

8 cups brewed and cooled decaf coffee (Of course you know that regular coffee can be substituted here but this recipe is for all the sensitive types like myself.)

1, 14 oz. can sweetened condensed milk (BTW, this recipe is not figure-friendly.)

1 tbsp. vanilla

2-4 c. chocolate milk, depending on how milky you like your lattes (So I have the wonderful benefit of living very close to a dairy that makes the most outrageously amazing chocolate milk known to humankind. Seriously, this stuff is staggering in its deliciousness. Unless you live in Lancaster, PA, you do not have access to this milk, and for that, I pity you. Substitute as best you can.)

Lots of ice

Very simple. Mix all ingredients together, pour over ice, drink, and repeat. Because repeating is inevitable.